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A Blog Post

Dave hates: a top 10 list.

Time to get some stuff off my chest.

1. Idiots doing curls in the squat rack. It’s a squat rack you tool.

2. Having my workout interrupted. I don’t care if Scarlett Johansson is asking me to apply suntan lotion to her peach like buttocks I have 3 more sets of bench left to do. Back off woman.

3. Idiots (almost certainly the same imbeciles as mentioned above) using mobile phones during a workout. This makes my fists itch. And although I say ‘workout’ I mean the 5 sets of insipid, half-arsed, pathetic, pointless and unproductive cable flyes you’ve flapped your arms through interspersed with 6 mins of inane wittering to some other moron about how like totally wasted you got last night. Can it fanboy and do some deadlifts.

4. All music that doesn’t use lots of loud guitars or reference Satan/Thor/disembowelment/misery/chicks on motorbikes as it’s subject matter. Die Coldplay die.

5. The term ‘core-training’. There is no such sodding thing. What you should have instead is strong abs, lower back, thoracic, glutes, hamstrings, etc. Which you can only really develop by attempting to stabilise yourself while performing big compound movements with heavy weights. And by stabilise I don’t mean doing slow 1 armed cable tricep kickbacks on a BOSU ball with your eyes closed while a ‘personal trainer’ pelts you with tennis balls that you have to fend off with the bodyblade grasped in your free-hand. While I’m in full vent-mode the much vaunted TVAs (Transverse Abdominals) that PTs are asking you to feel don’t even exist in about 5% of the population at all, and yet we don’t see many people folded neatly in half while out and about their cores too weak to keep them upright.

6. Flowers, rainbows, sparkly stuff, baby animals, joy, hope, optimism.

7. People asking me a question and then either answering it for me or, even more annoying, asking another question while I’m attempting to answer their first one. Shut up fool.

8. The colour turquoise.

9. The smell of Geraniums.

10. The absolute refusal of the aforementioned idiots to believe the following:

. Squats, deadlift, overhead pressing, bench press are the most important movements for building mass and strength.

. That it is impossible to gain muscle and lose fat at the same time.

. That you must eat at least 1000 calories more then you need every day if you stand any chance at all in building any muscle.

. To get bigger arms you do not need or indeed want to do 1000 sets of preacher curls 3 times a week.

. Ab training will not give you a 6 pack. It just won’t. Ever.

. That there is a reasonably excellent chance that a good gym coach (like what we have here at Dave’s) does in fact know more then you do about getting in shape. Why have a program done and then choose to ignore/adapt it. I don’t attempt to tune up my car I leave that to the nice man in overalls at the garage, he’s the expert.

Ok, that’s enough bile and ranting for now but you can expect regular updates on this misanthropic spewing forth of all that irks me.

Yours in grumpiness,

  • Will on February 5, 2011

    ” Die Coldplay die!” Quote of the year so far for me!! Thank God there’s a gym around that plays Slayer!

  • Project Goliath on February 7, 2011

    Haaaaaahahahahahahaha. Love it. Squats for the Squat God. Deadlifts for the throne of Strength!!

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