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Kyuss, Manowar, Slayer, Motorhead, High on Fire, Metallica and other training partners.

I love music. I love how it can fill and fit any mood. I love the stuff that sounds like Russian tanks being smashed into each other best. Whether you love or hate Heavy Metal, and it’s a bit like Marmite in that aspect (Black and evil?), you can’t deny it’s longevity. Way back during the Summer of Love (1969), when everyone was hugging trees, taking drugs and being groovy, 4 Brummies, who went by the collective name of Black Sabbath, were writing dirges, played in the key of evil, and scowling at everything. Since then Heavy Metal may have waxed and waned in the eyes of the popular press but it has been worshiped by it’s adoring fans. I am one of those fans.
I like music that elicits an almost visceral response – I don’t want to listen to it, I want to feel it in my bones and my balls. Now it could be that Lady Gaga can do the same for you, in which case you are weak and must be re-educated in the ways of metal. Here are some of the epic tunes of thundering doom that get my juices flowing. Watch. Listen. Become.

This little ditty is by Motorhead, who took Rock n’ Roll and fed it slowly through a mincer. Probably the greatest metal video ever. There is more manliness in one of Lemmy’s warts then in an army of Biebers (may the eagles tear at his liver for all eternity.).

Kyuss are my favorite band and this is my favorite song. I saw them play this only a few days ago. My brain exploded into purple humming birds that flew too close to the sun and turned into a bee hive made from melted wheelbarrows. Yeah.

Manowar are the most manly band in the universe. Created in Valhalla from Odin’s pubic hair and the blood of fire giants. They can floss with barbed wire and gargle with lava. None more metal.

To make High on Fire: take 1 Motorhead and flambe in Jack Daniels. Beat the flames out with a crowbar and serve with a twist of acid reflux. There’s only 3 of them. How do 3 men make that much noise?

Slayer. I was 15 when I first listened to Slayer. I can still hear the screams. Slayer are unlike anything else, more like a natural disaster then music. If you had to listen to something as you hit puppies with an axe then listen to Slayer.

Metallica are bloody amazing, end of discussion. Listening to this in my youth was a life changing experience. Before Metallica a normal, nice, well mannered boy. After – a serial killer. Progress.

Mastodon play very heavy, very complicated music. This one is about stabbing a large white whale with a spear. Not your mum.

I enjoyed doing this post so I reckon I’ll do another one before long.
Death to all but metal.
Dave Carter.

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2 Comments
  • Anonymous on April 12, 2011

    Since the dawn of time, one genre of music has ruled with an iron fist. I speak of course of The Metal- HEAVY METAL!! Punk Rock tried to kill The Metal, they failed as they were shot to the ground!

  • Project Goliath on April 12, 2011

    The Gods Made Heavy Metal And They Saw That It Was Good
    They Said To Play It Louder Than Hell
    We Promised That We Would
    When Losers Say It’s Over With You Know That It’s A Lie
    The Gods Made Heavy Metal And It’s Never Gonna Die

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