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Dave’s Gym Version 2.0

It’s been a little quiet on the blogging front recently. But fear not, my little blogranauts, this doesn’t mean that Uncle Dave does not love you anymore. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Instead I have been languishing in the Dungeons that are to be found under the East Wing of the Carter family castle, fed on nothing but rat flavoured protein shake and poked with Olympic bars every time it looked as if I would fall asleep.

And there I had to remain, lashed to a squat rack, in the darkness with only a dog-eared copy of Dan John’s “Never Let Go” to keep me company.

I knew that release from my dank subterranean prison would only be granted by my harsh and pitiless gaolers if I could come up with “The Big Idea”. So in the dark I planned and plotted plentiful ploys. I concocted and cogitated cunning contrivances, until a scheme of such canny and crafty genius was born that, if it had whiskers, it would have been a weasel.

My first thought was to get rid of all the squat racks and replace them with those vibrating power plates that all the nice shiny gyms have. This did not please my gaolers who administered more beatings, more Protein Rat and more Dan John books.

The next plan was to construct a horse out of discarded protein rat cartons, hide in its belly and then make a dashing bid for freedom. Unfortunately I only had enough Protein Rat cartons to fashion a mis-shapen badger, which fooled nobody, and so more beatings, more Protein Rat (now served in a battered tin cup that I had to return each time), and more Dan John books were prescribed.

Finally I came up with an idea big enough to satisfy my grim gaolers.

Elite Training for the Average Joe!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In practical terms this means that for the next few weeks everything is going to be a tad chaotic in the gym. Equipment will be moved, and new stuff will be brought in. Builders will drink lakes of tea laced with 17 sugars. Staff will wander around looking confused and lost (we’re not actually telling them anything – which we find deeply amusing and are laying bets on how long it will take Zucko to have figured out that we’ve moved the treadmills).

I will be telling you more about these plans of much cunningness – just as soon as I can work out how to get out from inside this badger. . .

Have a Protein Rat on me,
Dave Carter.

1 Comment
  • Anonymous on February 29, 2012

    I’m sure it’ll all be worth it. I particularly like the large mammoth shaped hole upstairs where the dividing wall used to be. And the male toilet door handle jauntily hanging on one screw. More squat racks please. And Bench rack things. And special ‘student’ only days so I can avoid them. How I hate their flip flops and floppy fringes and penchant for hogging everything that I WANT TO USE.

    And more heavy metal please Dave. When you’re not there all they play is Will Young.

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